How does a person get stuck at age 15? Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

I started drinking at age 15. I came into AA at age 23. By then I had 9 years of drinking under my belt. I had no idea that the people I would meet in AA would mold me and shape my life forever, and teach me how to love myself again.

For a long time, I struggled with Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, alcoholism, cutting, and an eating disorder. Of course, there’s no magical cure for any of these addictions/disorders. There are treatments that can arrest them and put them in remission. As of now, I have a few 24 hours free from my addictions, and stable in my mental illness. There’s a lot of self-care that goes into keeping these things from coming back. I need to be vigilent in taking care of myself emotionally, spiritually, physically, and intellectually. I go to therapy regularly to keep track of my Biploar and anxiety symtoms. What helps the most is working 12step for all of my life’s ups and downs.

Drinking is my main addiction, and has been the most destructive in my life. I had about 4 1/2 years of drinking on and off before I decided I needed to go to rehab. On December 12th, 2018 (my sobriety date), I went to Gateway. It was an experience that I won’t soon forget. A counselor in there told me once that I looked like a free spirit/ why was I selling myself short in life? That got me thinking about my love of travel, yoga, energies, and the Universe.

When I got out of rehab on New Years Day, I knew it was a new year for new beginnings. I was determined to stay sober and really work my program this time! I learned that it’s about staying humble, teachable, open, honest, and willing. It’s about helping others who are in need, and giving of myself even when I’m not feeling it. There’s no shame in allowing oneself to recover. For a long time, I was afraid to get well. I didn’t know who I was without my addictions. I didn’t even know who I was without my Bipolar, because it was so unstable for so long… going up and down, and way up and way down. I now have 2 months stable and have stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop, even though the disorder is cyclical and could relapse at any moment. I’m confident that when I keep doing what I’ve been doing, I will be okay. Today, I can tell you that recovery is the BEST thing that’s ever happened in my life.

I’ve grown up in ways I never thought I could. I am a woman who has integrity, respect, and love for herself. I can say that I am stronger than I’ve ever been before spiritually and emotionally. I still have my trials and tribulations, and there will be more to come. That’s life. I do know that whatever happens next in my life, I can handle it. It’s a beautiful life growing up in recovery!