Hi, my name is Kelly and I’m an alcoholic. My sobriety date is December 12th, 2018. I am actively sponsored and I also sponsor women in the program.

• Tonight, I want to talk about hope. I’ve heard someone in the program once say, “it’s endless hope vs. a hopeless end”. That is it in a nutshell! Alcoholics Anonymous is a way of life, and has given me my life back. More importantly, it’s given me a new way of living that exceeds anything I could’ve dreamed of.

• In the past 6 months, I have come to know myself again. The fellowship has shown me how to love myself in truth and authenticity. The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have saved my life, and introduced me to a Higher Power that takes care of me, loves me, walks beside me, and lives within me.

• What I call my “recovery date”, is March 14, 2014. That’s the day when I decided to fight for my life, for I KNEW there was more to this life than what I had going on. If you did the math, you’ll notice that I did have about 4 1/2 years of going in and out of the program. I thought I could get well by sitting in meetings and getting it by osmosis. I found out, through a lot of painful attempts at staying dry and going back out, that it doesn’t work that way. It truly is easier to stay here than to get here. And sometimes people don’t make it back.

• On December 11th, 2018, I was beaten down. I had enough self-awareness through therapy and what I knew of AA to know that I couldn’t live like this anymore. I would die if I kept on. So I went to rehab for the first time in my life. When I got out of rehab on New Year’s Day, I knew what I had to do. It was a new year for new beginnings and I had more willingness to work the steps than ever before. I called up the person who is now my sponsor and asked for help. She agreed to help if I would agree to be willing to take suggestion. My sponsor told me we were going to work through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous vigorously and with momentum. That sounded like music to my ears! My Higher Power brought me to her for a reason and I didn’t want to mess this up again, because, for an alcoholic of my type, to drink is to die.

• I can tell you this: after my sponsor explained that if I didn’t work these steps I would not get well, I took every single suggestion like my life depended on it (because it did). It’s suggested when you jump out of a plane, that you pull the rip cord. When I pulled that cord, which meant(admitting I was powerless, giving my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power, thoroughly taking inventory and then sharing it with my sponsor, becoming willing to work on my character defects, made direct amends in person to my loved ones, and then continued nightly inventories and spot checks when resentment and fear cropped up),my life dramatically changed. These steps are simple, not easy. There is hope in them.

• I can say the obsession has lifted and I have recovered from that hopeless state of mind and body. I didn’t realize how sick I was until I got sober through working the 12 steps. I live one day at a time, mindfully. I keep the memories of the past close to me, as to remember the pain that brought me here, because I can never forget even for one moment that I’m an alcoholic. My aim now is to help other suffering alcoholics inside and outside these walls to recover, working intensively with them, bringing them through the steps with momentum, just as my sponsor did with me. The big book says “Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics” p.86. Working with others is the only way I know how to keep my sobriety. Sobriety is a gift and I need to take action to protect it. It says in the BB “working with others is the bright spot of our lives”. That’s part of the 12th step promises, and I find that to be true in my experience.

• As of now I have 6 months sober. I’m gaining trust back from family and friends. Gaining trust in myself. Finding out who I am and what I stand for in life. Finding my voice.

• If you’re close to me, you know that it’s not been an easy road. Recovery is not for the faint of heart. I’ve learned there’s no way out but through. That authenticity comes through living by your values and doing the next right thing. Alcoholics Anonymous is teaching me to stay teachable. To give of myself even on the days I’m not feeling it. To live honestly. To show up to life. To not think so much or try to figure everything out! Here’s something I wrote a few months ago:
“Sometimes we can’t understand it. To my thinking brain, always thinking trying and grasping to understand. There are things that are not meant to be understood, only felt. Like invisible winds and the warmth of love. That’s where things are not so logical yet completely and utterly beautiful and magic.” I hold onto that idea of bringing all I know from my head, to my heart.

• Today I have my support system to help me through, which includes my sponsor, my AA army, my therapist, and my psychiatrist. I know that I can be in recovery and still ask for the support that I need. There’s no need to wait for a lower bottom!

I’ll leave you with this:
There’s so much stigma around addiction that can make it seem like it’s hopeless and there’s no way out. What I know to be true is this: it’s not hopeless. There is a way out. It’s hopeful and messy and amazing and exciting. All we must do is continue to be open, honest, and willing to work these steps. Recovery is real. It’s a beautiful life when we live in truth and love. I’m grateful for my own recovery journey and what it has taught me about human connectedness and empathy. If no one ever crawled down with me into the dark abyss I was in and showed me the way out, step by step, I would not be here today. I’m so grateful to every single person brave enough to walk my path with me and tell me the hard things when I need to hear them. Recovery is not easy, and it’s so worth it! It works if you work it.

Thank you.