As someone close to me always says, “Sometimes the Universe will hit me with a 2×4”. Well, the Universe hit me right in the gut this time. It’s a wake up call.

I have been so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see anyone else, not even God. There was a time when I asked my Higher Power to be bigger for me because I needed It to be. Of course, God is infinite… there’s no way It could be bigger than It already is. I just needed my perception of It to be bigger than what I had. A friend of mine told me that she was sending her Higher Power over to help me. “Here”, she said, “Now you have double power”. That might’ve been the greatest act of kindness anyone has ever bestowed upon me.

As I was laying in bed, I needed strength to get up and eat something. I hadn’t eaten all day because (thanks to the 2×4) I felt sick to my stomach. I called upon my Higher Power and do you know what It told me? “Get up Kel, we’ll do this together“. Until now I had been so wrapped up in self, so lonely, that I forgot that my Higher Power was always there. To have this feeling of having something there that will take care of me and go with me in the hard times isn’t new. I always knew it intellectually, but now I felt It. It gave me the power to walk downstairs and get something to nourish my body.

God didn’t hit me with the 2×4 to be cruel. No, just the opposite. It knew that I could handle the pain. There’s no growth without pain, and apparently my Higher Power thought I needed to grow some more. I’ve been stagnant in my spirituality for a bit of time now. I had it in my head and not my heart. I felt alone. How could I be alone when I have a loving God walking with me by my side? I was closed off from the Sunlight of the Spirit. I couldn’t feel it. It was dark.

It was sunny outside earlier, and I was sitting having a smoke. I was so upset at this point I was bawling. The kind of ugly cry with snot and tears everywhere. Clouds came in. The rain started to drizzle, then got heavy. Something dawned on me and I said, “God, thank you for crying with me. I know You understand”. It was my sign from the Universe that I was not alone.

Whatever I’m going through and will go through, I know God will be there with me. It’s not just a distant thing in the Universe, it is the Universe. It’s all around me just waiting for me to ask for what I need. I need to be careful not to ask for anything for my own selfish ends. I need to do God’s will so that I might be of maximum service to others.

So when God nudged me to get out of bed tonight and feed myself, I didn’t resist the nudge. I understood that my Higher Power wanted me to take care of myself in love and truth. The truth was that I hadn’t been taking care of myself for a while. That’s when those 2×4’s show up in my life. To say, “Hey Kel. You need to take action because something’s off here. Let’s do something about it together”. And when I push my Higher Power away, that’s when life gets so much harder. I trust God. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a 2×4 to remind me of that.

Sending love and light, Kel.