I’ve been having a rough week this week. I’m learning that my friends are truly there for me, even the ones who I wouldn’t expect to be. There’s comfort in knowing that no matter what life throws at me, I’ll have people there to back me up and hold me up when I just want to fall to my knees.

Noise in my head never stops. There’s a consistent bully in there just waiting for any opportunity to take me down. I do the best that I can in any given moment. That’s all I can ever do. Perfection is an illusion.

There’s no shame in asking for help. My therapist has been out of the office with a family emergency going on two weeks now. I haven’t been to therapy in a month. So, I reached out to my old therapist, in advocating for myself and my mental health, and she agreed to see me while my current therapist is out. That’s a miracle. There truly are good people in the world.

In recovery I’m learning to use my voice. To stand up for what I need, not necessarily what I want. What I want doesn’t matter and, quite frankly, usually gets me into trouble. So I ask myself, what do I need today, or in this moment? What is it that’s going to bring me back to serenity and this present experience? Living in the Now is a powerful tool. Not everyone knows that magic. Not everyone is fully here in the moment. There’s always the past and future pulling attention this way or that. Take a breath. Step back and just notice. Look around.

When I’m anxious, I can ground myself by using any mindfulness technique. There’s always one that will pull me back to the Now. I like to use my 5 senses. To look, touch, smell, taste, and listen. Right now I see sunshine coming through the window. I feel the keys as I press down with my fingertips. I smell the laundry detergent I used on my clothes the day before. I taste the aftertaste of the breakfast I had this morning. I hear birds chirping with the sunrise. It’s a beautiful morning.

What do I need?

Sometimes the answer comes from others. Most of the time it comes from within, trusting my instincts. What’s the message I hear? Be kind in love and truth. Do the best you can. Give yourself grace. Listen to others. Believe in yourself.

Don’t let that bully inside your head get the best of you.

Sending love and light, Kel.