I’m honestly not feeing very inspired right now. It’s almost 7pm on Thanksgiving night. I’ve had a full day. Woke up at 3am, and haven’t had a nap. I do want to touch on something though.

This time last year I was drunk. I didn’t know how to cope anymore. I had forgotten my coping skills I learned in therapy. It was an awful period of time in my life. Little did I know the transformation that woud occur in just one year’s time.

Today I have my relationships back. Today I don’t have to worry about getting pulled over drunk on the way home from a party. Today I have hope for the future.

I told my therapist the other day that I do want to live. She was surprised that that’s what came from my mouth. You see, I have chronic suicidal ideation. Most of the time I do not want to live. When I told my therapist that I do, and she told me she was not expecting me to say that, I said: “Today. Today I do. It could come back though”. I am not under any illusion that my suicidal thoughts are gone forever. They come with the territory of my Bipolar Disorder. So, when I say I want to live, that transformation is HUGE and could really only be coming from my Higher Power.

I don’t know what the future holds for me any more than the next person, but I do know, as long as I have breath in my body, something great is coming for me. I just have to stick around until the miracle happens.

Sending love and light, Kel.