A week ago I had a dream about Jimmy. In it, he had survived. He was sitting in a chair with his back towards me. I saw his blonde hair and his dress shirt. He was saying that he was happy to be alive. I felt his residual emotional pain as he spoke. He had physical pain in his neck from where the noose was. The dream was more about the feelings than the words, but the one word that stuck out to me was: “alive”.

Today, as I was sitting in the kitchen eating lunch, I felt the need to leave the house. I turned out of the cole de sac, down the street, to a stop sign. I was waiting for a car that was coming down the road. I turned behind the car. It was a GMC Jimmy. I had chills when I saw his name on the back of the car. I thought to myself, “What are you trying to tell me, Jimmy?”

Earlier that day I had therapy. My therapist and I had discussed the above mentioned dream. She asked me a question that I would never have thought of on my own, (that’s why she’s so awesome). She asked, “Was the dream a kind of closure?” I had to think about it for a while. I thought about it later on the drive home. I think the dream was a type of closure for me in a way. Jimmy and I were both 29 in the dream and he lived. I had just stated in therapy the week before that I do want to live (although with some kind of warped future reservation). I am happy to be alive today; no reservations.

I don’t know what Jimmy is trying to say to me, but I’m open to recieving more signs and messages from him. I think, if I had to guess, that he’s telling me to keep going. Keep living.

I will be 29 in three weeks. I’m coming up on the age Jimmy was when he died. It sounds silly if you don’t believe in the afterlife, but I do beleive and I’m taking it all as a sign from my big brother that he wants to help me grow in understanding of life… and to live.

To him I say: “I love you. I miss you. I hear you. Thank you for reaching out to me”.

Sending love and light, Kel.