“I love this journey of healing!!! Sometimes it’s fucking difficult, for sure! In the same breath, it’s so amazingly beautiful and crazy incredible!!!” -words I said to a friend during a conversation about life in recovery from addictions & mental illness.

It’s a tough thing… growing and healing and changing. Such is life though. I’m learning how to be okay with not knowing. And, I mean, I really am just beginning to learn that. My healing is a journey that continues to open up new avenues that I never thought would ever have manifested in my life.

These things that are manifesting are some of the reasons that I’ve worked so hard in my recovery.

Things like learning self-reliance, while also being open to accepting support from others (sometimes from the least expected places).

Things like being able to say I love myself. I remember while being in the psych ward for suicidal ideation a few years ago, I couldn’t say I loved myself without starting to feel hurt, sad, and overwhelmed. Today I can look at myself in the mirror and say “I love you, Kelly” and mean it. On some days all I can muster to say is “I like myself” or, if I can’t say that, I’ll give myself a small smile in the mirror.

Things like being able to set boundaries and being able to say “no”. I’ve learned that “no” is absolutely a complete sentence. I’m allowed to say “no” if there’s something that doesn’t align with my values or that goes against my intuition. I know that now.

These are just a few things that I have gained from doing the work in my recovery and continuing to heal from my pain. Pain is still there most days, hurt is still there most days, and today I have the skills to cope and thrive in spite of them.

Not every day is easy. Not every day is hard. It’s about what we do with the day that matters. I want to spend the rest of my life learning and growing and continuing to heal more and more.

It’s an amazingly beautiful and crazy incredible journey, for sure.

Sending love and light, Kel.