My therapist would always ask the most clever questions to help me talk through whatever it was we were talking about that day. It was like she could read my mind at times! And she would remember so many details (big or small) that she’d bring up sometimes months later. I always wondered how she was so in tune with my story and recovery, especially when she has so many other clients, too! That’s her job though. Either that or she has superpowers…

In thinking about all of this, I’m reminded of how much listening to someone (and providing feedback when appropriate) can help another person. I’m not big on giving advice and/or support. I never really know what to say in the moment. Hence my writing and personal journaling. There’s something about writing that is so natural. Words just flow out for me. It’s magical. And it helps me get my thoughts out there.

Obviously, people can’t write a letter or journal entry for someone every time the other person needs support. That’s not realistic. But, one can set a gentle boundary with the other person by saying something like, “It’s hard feeling ‘xyz’ and it’s absolutely okay to feel ‘xyz’. I don’t really know what to say, but I’m here to listen”. Setting a boundary that way protects both sides from feeling pressured or disappointed.

Circling back: I felt heard in therapy. I learned to open up and make things speakable. I would especially practice being open and vulnerable when I didn’t feel heard or if I got angry at my therapist. I almost never caught my anger in the moment, but I’d go back to it next session.

All of this to say, listening to another human being and what they’re going through is sometimes much more important than giving advice. Listening to understand rather than to reply. It’s okay if the listener doesn’t remember every detail. Most times it’s not about the details. It’s about the feeling behind the words that are spoken and how the feelings align with the story being told.

When my therapist would use her superpowers to help me see my truth on my own, it made me feel cared for and appreciated. I hope I can do the same for anyone who comes along in my journey throughout this life.

Keep on keeping on my friends. I’ll do the same!

Sending love and light, Kel.