Like I said before: I’m not who I was a week ago, or even an hour ago for that matter. Change is inevitable and requires an adjustment period. I think in black & white so, when I think about my life, I think in chapters. I split the chapters into two: before recovery and after recovery. I’m leaning back into everything I’ve learned in therapy and realizing that it’s not so black & white after all.

Change happens in life; big or small. These smaller changes are what we don’t notice right away. Nevertheless, we are changed.

The big changes are quite noticeable! These are the ones that turn your world upside-down and require some adjustment.

For me, I’ve entered a third chapter in my life that has appeared in my journey unexpectedly. After my 30th birthday came and went, I felt like a different person. I had survived one of my biggest fears: dying by 30. Surviving this was a huge milestone for me! And it’s what began my new path.

In leaning into what I’ve learned in therapy, I have found some self-reliance and trust in myself. I had learned that it’s not all black & white. It’s okay to move forward. That it’s going to be worth it. I learned to ride the wave of emotion; it will pass (eventually). I learned that it can be difficult, but not impossible. I learned how to keep going by doing the opposite of what your mental illness or addiction tells you.

So, yes, change is inevitable and it’s part of what makes life worth living. My life, now divided into three chapters, has taken many small turns to get to those big changes. Where I’m at today is nothing but a miracle. I survived very dark times and now I’m walking towards an easier road. Okay, maybe not easier, but it’s happier and lighter than before.

I’m grateful to anyone who has walked my journey with me thus far. Thank you. I’m grateful for change. I’m even grateful for that adjustment period because, without that, there would be no moving forward. There would be no healing. I’m grateful for being able to lean into what I’ve learned this far in my recovery. To everyone who has been there with me, thank you, because I couldn’t do this alone.

Sending love and light, Kel.