I’ve always had a really hard time letting go. The above quote sums it up perfectly. I hold on to people, places, and feelings because I can’t see a clear future without them in it. I hold on to stay safe. I hold on to what feels like home. There have been times in my life when big changes have happened and they kept me so stuck. And, they made me sick mental health wise. I fall into dark times when changes happen. It’s just what usually happens. Sometimes right away, and sometimes it’s the crash after a “high”. So, holding on to stay safe makes a lot of sense.

“Letting go is knowing that there’s a future”. When I read this, I had to think about it for a second. So… I can move on if I can just let myself let go? Sure. Sounds good on paper! It’s much more difficult in real life. Letting myself let go. Hmmm. Reminds me of a quote Albert Einstein said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”. If I’m still holding on to ‘xyz’, and am still in the old frame of mind, then no amount of letting go is going to happen. It takes moving toward a different perspective to start to move forward from whatever it might be that I can’t let go of. All that to say, knowing there’s a future, then, is the key to unlocking the stagnation.

My ideal future looks something like this:

1) Own a condo, 2) Be in a happy romantic relationship, 3) Have a fulfilling job/ career or full-time hobby, 4) Be stable in my Bipolar Disorder long-term, 5) Have pet rats again (yes, rats), 6) Be financially responsible/ stable…and be wealthy enough to shop whenever and wherever I want, for that matter!), 8) To feel free.

These are just some things I can think of off the top of my head right now. I’m sure there are plenty more!

I do know that there’s a future for me. I don’t know how I’ll get to where I want to be in life, but I know it’s most certainly a possibility! I hope I can allow myself to do the work of healing enough to start towards that path of future ideals.

Sometimes we hold on, and that’s alright. We just can’t stay there. Take baby steps forward. Do the processing work. Lift your head up high and see your future. It can be done. Hang in there. We’ll make it through together.

Sending love and light, Kel.