Every day is different. Some days I sleep 14 hours; other days 5. Some days I’m feeling great; other days I want to crawl in a hole. I think this is my normal. I can’t think of a time when it wasn’t like this, except maybe high school because I had such a strict schedule. Today I can be okay with the up’s and down’s of every day life.

Birds chirp at 3am. I’m awake again. Why are the birds up at this hour? Maybe they’re eating the seeds from the feeder? I don’t really know, I just want to sleep. But, the sun woke me up at 6am today. I’m not sure if I want to start my day that way. It’s too early for me. I’m up by mid-morning usually. I get up and take my meds. Maybe I will just go back to bed? I’m wide awake by this time though. I put on some makeup and some fresh clothes. I’m not hungry yet; I’ll wait to eat. I know! I’ll make coffee with some cream. Starting to feel okay, no complaints. Maybe I should wake up early every day?

I’m cranky today. Nothing seems right. I stay in bed and put up a fight. Don’t want to get up; I’m too cozy in bed. I pull the covers over my head. I don’t want to do today at all. Even brushing my teeth seems too hard. Sometimes I want to crawl in a hole and not come out. I’m just gonna stay here in bed and pout. My body is heavy; my brain is’nt working. But, if I stay in bed, my recovery will be hurting. I have to challenge this negative thinking. Every minute I stay put, my heart is sinking. Because I think to myself, “I should get up”. I just don’t think I have strength enough.