I tend to minimize thoughts and emotions. I bury them when I’m feeling emotionally wounded. I’m learning how to feel these emotions in a healthy way instead of reaching for any of my negative coping mechanisms.

I had an emotional breakdown the other day. Something happened that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I went to my room because I was feeling sick to my stomach from emotions. Then I cried. I cried hard. I couldn’t catch a breath.

I decided to call a good friend of mine. She reminded me that this day will end and a new day will begin tomorrow. This was just how I was feeling in that day; in that moment. That was something I needed to hear. That this would pass.

The emotions flooded my body and numbed my body all at once. The tears were cathartic. They’ve been a long time coming. I didn’t push it away. I let it hurt. I felt it.

I decided to call another friend who then told me it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let feelings flow. Especially feelings that had been building up for so long. I listened to her talk to me as I kept holding my breath and crying. I needed to hear her voice on the other end. The phonecall helped me not to isolate within myself. I became vulnerable.

What I know now is that I needed that emotional breakdown. It’s part of “growing pains” of life. When I feel like I’m feeling “too much”, it’s actually that I’m letting myself heal through the pain.

Feeling “too much” can be scary. It feels out of control. It hurts like hell. And it’s something necessary for healing to continue. Moving through emotion is a powerful thing. It’s human. It lets us know we’re alive.

I wouldn’t trade that emotional breakdown for anything else that might’ve happened that evening. It was what I deeply needed; letting the floodgates open up. Now I’m practicing feeling emotion as it happens rather than burying it down. This way, I can heal a bit at a time instead of hurting all at once.

Emotions are our messengers. They’re there for a reason. We just have to be attuned to them and listen for the message.

Sending love and light, Kel.