I’m just sitting in my room with a sugar cookie scented candle burning, and listening to music on YouTube. I’m reflecting on life. Life’s weird, to say the least. Everything is constantly changing. Nothing stays the same…ever. There’s hope in that, too, though. The good times may not last, but neither will the bad ones. There’s only NOW, anyway. We live in the now.

I’ve been trying to surrender to a lot of things. Surrender to changes. Acceptance is a big part in that. If I can surrender to the present moment, I think that’s where happiness comes from…or, at least, contentment.

There have been a lot of losses in a lot of our lives. I wrote about that in my previous post. I think of certain loved ones who have passed when I hear certain songs. One of those songs just came on my YouTube playlist just now. (And there’s that word again. “Now”). Feelings of sorrow are being brought up by this song, and I also have good memories of this person who I’m thinking of. And, even though I feel like crying again, I also have a half-smile on my face from the good memories. It’s both at once.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past few years it’s that two opposite things can, in fact, live in the same space and be in the same breath. Good and bad. Happy and sad. Sorrow and joy. They can be together. It’s something that used to confuse me a lot when I first heard it. How can one be both happy and sad? But that’s exactly how I felt for a long time in my mental illness.

I’ve talked before about my Bipolar Disorder. It’s a common misconception that Bipolar just means “moody”. No. As I understand, it’s the polar opposites of depression and euphoria swinging back and forth between a certain amount of any given time with periods of stability in-between. So, hearing I could feel happy and sad at the same time meant that when I was depressed then I could still have moments of happiness! It was a relief.

The present moment now, for me, looks like having a lot of gratitude for life. Even on the bad days. I’m surrendering to life on life’s terms. One thing at a time. Having personal balance and setting daily intentions is a big one. They help me set my day on the right foot. Each day adds up to months, years, decades. I want my life to add up to something beautiful. I hope to make every day beautiful to the best of my ability. That’s going to look different every day, for sure. I just know I have to have acceptance of life. That’s all there really is to it.

I surrender to acceptance and the present moment.

Sending love and light, Kel.