Lately I’ve been feeling lonely on and off. I guess it’s because I have writer’s block again. There’s no way for me to get my thoughts out, so they just go around and around in my head.

I switched therapy to every other week instead of weekly. That’s a hard transition.

I’ve also been working more than usual. That can be a stressor in itself.

Today is gloomy and rainy. It’s making me sleepy. Probably another reason for my writer’s block.

As thoughts get stuck in my head, I get even more lonely by the minute. It’s almost to the point where I can’t think straight anymore; like there aren’t any thoughts at all. Maybe my brain is trying to protect me from my thoughts. I wonder what my thoughts would be if I let myself think?

I have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I’m irritable and tired. It’s uncomfortable.

I can’t blame the weather. I’m not usually one to be affected by it. Rain is rain… it doesn’t make me feel sad. There’s got to be something deeper going on.

But what?

I might have an inkling after all… but it’s nothing I’d want to share here.

I have a bazillion coping skills that I could use to help me get through this. Why don’t I use them? It doesn’t make sense.

Maybe today is just meant to be a sad & irritable day. Yet, I’m not feeling much acceptance in that. I don’t like these feelings at all. I can’t force myself to be happy either.

My thoughts aren’t coming out. My head is heavy and I feel emotionally numb. There’s no quick fix for this.

I suppose I’ll let it be what it is: a shitty day.

I know it’s okay to have bad days.. but I don’t feel like being my own cheerleader today. I don’t know what else to do besides crawl back into bed until I go to work tonight.

Emotional numbness is not a great thing to experience. I’m just not in a space to get myself out of this funk.

I hope this feeling passes soon… -Kel.