Have you ever felt really shitty for like a week or two, and then woke up one morning feeling okay again? That’s what’s happening with me.

Sometimes I’ll be in a downswing for a good while and it lifts “all of the sudden”. It probably was actually a gradual change, honestly. It feels like it happened overnight.

It can happen this way for me. I explain it like a light switch got flipped on. It feels that way, at least.

Not saying a magical fairy came around last night and sprinkled fairy dust over me in my sleep to make me feel okay again. No. The mood shift was most likely lifting over the course of a few days and I just didn’t really notice.

Today is a beautiful sunny day, and I can enjoy the sun and cool breeze. It feels good to feel okay-ish. I’m hoping depression will be gone for a while after this. Depression is not comfortable. It sucks the life out of a person.

I still deal with low self-worth and negative thinking patterns, even when I’m not depressed. That can make it confusing as to whether or not I’m actually out of my depression.

I think of it this way: if I’m “okay-ish” today then that’s a good sign depression is on its way out (for now).

My taste in music changes as fast as my moods do. Last week it was Evanescence, then Billy Eilish, then 2003 rock music. I’m not to the point of listening to Ariana Grande and dancing aground the living room (yet)… and that’s also a good thing, since that behavior usually means I’m in hypomania. We all know how that can end up! So I’m grateful to be almost out of the dark. It’s better than the alternative.

Maybe there is actually a magical fairy looking over me? That’d definitely be awesome! After all, we all need some glittery fairy dust in our lives sometimes.

It helps to have a strong support system, too, for real. I wouldn’t be here without mine.

Even if fairy dust and flipping light switches isn’t what’s going on, it’s relieving to know there’s some type of healing happening. I’m happy to not feel like so much of a burden to others. I’m happy to have some sense of aliveness.

Depression is a bitch. I find, though, that there’s always a way through. It just takes time and a little bit of hope. I thought I had no hope a few days ago… but that’s just not true. There had to have been a grain of hope somewhere. Hope is the only reason I’m still here. Even when someone else has to hold my hope for me until I’m ready to hold it myself.

I’m here.

Now it’s time to gently move forward; taking baby steps and keeping hope close by.

Sending love and light, Kel.