Disclaimer: I wrote this post in April of 2021. I had a lot of depression going on at the time, and a lot of uncertainty around what I was doing in life. I was taking a break from working while also taking a break from therapy. I’ve since learned that I need both therapy and work in my life for me to keep structure (and sanity)!

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I try to stay on the positive side of things to offer hope to others, but being positive all the time is unrealistic.

Tonight, I’m tired and my soul hurts. I feel spiritually worn down. It’s the kind of worn down that sleep won’t fix.

It’s times like these when I would reach out to who is now my former therapist. But I’m learning quickly to rely on my own strength.

It’s times like these that I remember what I need to do. I need to take care of myself first and foremost… take my medication, take my showers, eat 3 meals and 3 snacks every day. I get some peace of mind when I do these kinds of things.

I also have to reinforce my spiritual practice. My Higher Power is there for me always and unconditionally. Where else could I find that? I need to talk to my Higher Power and let Her know how I’m feeling; let Her know I need strength. She will listen. She will help.

It’s frustrating to be so tired in my soul that it feels like it’ll never go away. But I’ve never felt so tired that I couldn’t come out of it eventually. It takes work, though, and sometimes I don’t want to do the work. Sometimes I just want to let it go on because I just get to the point where I don’t care anymore. These points are dangerous for me since I’m so prone to falling into depression. When I start not caring, my self-care goes down the drain, my spirituality is tanked, and I become numb.

So, tonight, I’m tired. I’m tired and I want to give up on doing the work I need to do for my recovery. My plan is to get to bed early. Proper sleep will probably solve a lot of the issue. I’m sure I’ll feel much better by tomorrow morning! That’s half the battle, isn’t it? Taking one step forward. Baby steps.

It’s common to want to give up when your soul is tired and hurting. Those feelings are valid. It’s important, though, to keep in mind that this will pass. It can feel very hopeful when there’s a light at the end of the tunnel like that. And, that means there’s work ahead. Take heart. It’s most definitely doable.

Sending love and light, Kel.