My therapist has told me a few times to write even when I don’t feel like writing… so that’s what I’m going to do.

It’s been a rough few weeks. There have been so many up’s and down’s emotionally. I started school a few weeks ago while continuing to work part-time. I really enjoy school, although, it’s thrown me for a loop a couple of times. I went to three classes and then withdrew from the course. I didn’t think I could make it through, so I thought it would be better if I quit. I reenrolled the same day. It’s stressful trying to decide a major life decision in one day. But, after talking to my mom about it all, I decided to keep going in school. And I’m so glad I did.

My moods on the other hand… well, that’s a whole different story! I’ve gone from content, to depressed, to a little bit manic, all in two weeks. It’s most definitely a roller-coaster. I prefer manic over depressed. Who wouldn’t? Hypomania is euphoric. It’s exciting. It’s fun. And it’s also detrimental in a lot of ways.

I had a therapist at one time who told me that being slightly manic was probably an ideal state to be in. I’d say so (but I’m biased).

Overall, I’d say things are looking up! I’m enjoying life as much as I can right now, while also being careful about which actions I might take next. I love the messiness of life. I’m in love with chaos. Actually, it’s a love/hate relationship. I seem to crave chaos because when things are all “neat and simple” I tend to either get bored or think something bad is about to happen. So why not just create the chaos myself? It’s better that way… right?

“Nothing in life worth having comes easy”. I’m not too sure I agree with that because it’s not so much what’s worth having is difficult to achieve. Everyone is deserving of anything positive they set their mind to. And, what’s worthy to someone might not be to another. Plus, the word nothing is a strong word to use.

So maybe we could say:

“Some things in life are more difficult to achieve than others AND we’re worthy of all of our achievements”.

Sure, school will take hard work. And making it through my mood episodes will take patience. I know I can get through anything as long as I keep on the right path.

Sending love and light, Kel.