I've often thought about how there are 8 billion people in the world, all with different perspectives of life. And I've often wished I was a different person other than who I am. Maybe in those times that I wished I was someone else, what … Continue reading Shifting my Perspective

The beginning of January was a rough one for me. On New Year's Eve, I was in a deep depression. I went to a party at my friend's house and stayed from 6pm to 8pm. I was having a panic attack there because there were … Continue reading On the Psych Unit

Hope is magical. Hope can change everything. The past few weeks have been rough for me. It started when my dog, Oscar, got sick. We had to put him down a couple of weeks ago. He was the most stubborn little guy you've ever met! … Continue reading Showing Up to Life

Life is weird. Sometimes I don't think I want to be here anymore. Those are the times when I need to stay close to the people in my life who are the most supportive. I need to let other people know where I'm at in … Continue reading No Choice

Sometimes I have no idea what I want to write about. I get an inspiration, or just an urge to feel the keys of the keyboard under my fingertips. Words just flow out when I write. Sometimes I don't even know where the things I … Continue reading Writing

I don't know which comes first, depression or hypomania. All I know is depression sucks and hypomania feels really good (most times). Hypomania is basically the same thing as mania, but it's without the hallucinations and psychosis that mania can bring up. And, bipolar depression … Continue reading With Bipolar Mania

My therapist has told me a few times to write even when I don't feel like writing... so that's what I'm going to do. It's been a rough few weeks. There have been so many up's and down's emotionally. I started school a few weeks … Continue reading On A Roller-Coaster

I was talking with my therapist last week, and we started talking about the ripple effect; about how every action affects everything. I was surprised my therapist agreed 100%. Usually she's challenging me on things I say! But when she gave the example of "even … Continue reading In Therapy

I've always been a wallflower. I stay in the background and observe. I don't speak my mind. This might be a defense mechanism against the possibility of being an outsider. But, in reality, all it does is close me off from connection. Vulnerability is scary. … Continue reading Allowing Vulnerability

There's something special about sharing a smile with another person. It's even more special when they smile back. Tonight, as I was leaving work, I noticed one of my coworkers was sitting in the grass by the pond across from the parking lot. I sat … Continue reading Sharing A Smile

Disclaimer: I wrote this post in April of 2021. I had a lot of depression going on at the time, and a lot of uncertainty around what I was doing in life. I was taking a break from working while also taking a break from … Continue reading With Self-care

Every day is a new chance to do something different than yesterday. To me, it seems as though the days bleed into each other. It's not so cut and dry as "it's a new day". When I make poor decisions, that affects the next day, … Continue reading With Self-validation

Hey there! There's been a lot going on in my mind as of late. I have been reflecting on life and death. It's March, which means it's Jimmy's 20 years since he died. I can't believe it's been that long! I think about everything that … Continue reading Pondering Death

Lately, things in my life have been going very well! I'm paying off some longtime debt. I paid off my car a couple of months ago! I'm working 25 to 30 hours a week with ease. Family life has been looking up, too! What I … Continue reading Changing and Growing

Hey there! So, I haven't written anything on my blog since September of 2022. It's now January 1st of 2023! A lot has happened since September. There have been so many up's and down's. The biggest lesson I've learned is that things usually work themselves … Continue reading Working Itself Out