It's important for me to keep reminding myself how far I've come in my recovery and spiritual life. Ten years ago, if you'd ask me about my goals or a Higher Power, I would have laughed in your face. Higher Power? Goals? What are those?? … Continue reading Toward Healing

Fall is coming up. That's the usual time of year when my moods take a nosedive and I get back into depression. At least I know my patterns.. Fall=depression Winter=hypomania Spring=depression Summer=hypomania.. it's been this way since I can remember. I don't want to make … Continue reading A Fall into Depression

Have you ever felt really shitty for like a week or two, and then woke up one morning feeling okay again? That's what's happening with me. Sometimes I'll be in a downswing for a good while and it lifts "all of the sudden". It probably … Continue reading Fairy Dust

Depression has come back around. I silently hate myself. I quietly lose hope again. It's not fair. I feel alone in my struggle. No one can save me but myself. I'm worrying about the future while reliving the past. That's how it feels. I'm screaming … Continue reading Pretty In Your Pain

All at once, a feeling of doubt takes over. Maybe she's not good enough? Maybe she should quit? The questions loom in the quiet. Everything stops for a minute. Nothing seems right to her. She knows something's wrong. She can't hold on much longer. It's … Continue reading Survival Mode -A Poem

Lately I've been feeling lonely on and off. I guess it's because I have writer's block again. There's no way for me to get my thoughts out, so they just go around and around in my head. I switched therapy to every other week instead … Continue reading Emotionally Numb

Getting the motivation to shower is a big one. I get down on myself because "normal" people shower at least every other day. I seem to go 3 or 4. And, on the days I don't shower, I hardly change my clothes! I'll wear the … Continue reading Struggling to Care

I was sitting at the kitchen table, texting anyone I could think of who could help me. I was trying to figure out the rest of my life in one day. And then I stopped. I sat back and smiled at myself. If there's anything … Continue reading Maybe

It's time to gently detach from what's keeping me from making myself a priority. I have to do what makes me happy without hiding. I deserve to take up space, too. I deserve everything that helps me become free from my self-destructiveness. And, deserving space … Continue reading Lettng Go of the Outcome

I had a conversation with my therapist the other day. It basically went like this, "Your homework is to identify your priorities and how these things fit into your meaningful life". My meaningful life looks the opposite of what I've currently been doing. I'd like … Continue reading With Priorities

I'm at the library right now writing my first blog post in a while. I've been in a weird place lately. I don't necessarily not care, but it's like I'm numb to the consequences of my actions. I got a job about a month ago. … Continue reading Taking Responsibility

I'm just sitting in my room with a sugar cookie scented candle burning, and listening to music on YouTube. I'm reflecting on life. Life's weird, to say the least. Everything is constantly changing. Nothing stays the same...ever. There's hope in that, too, though. The good … Continue reading With Acceptance of the Present

There have been a lot of deaths occurring lately. It saddens my heart and soul. Life has a lot of twists and turns for sure. One thing I know is that it helps to make me feel grateful for the life that I've been given, … Continue reading Through Loss of the Ones We Loved

I have writer's block due to my depression. My brain feels so full and fuzzy. I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything, and I'm in a lot of emotional pain. Even so, I'm writing this now to show myself that I can do difficult … Continue reading Writer’s Block

I had therapy on Monday morning. I read a journal entry to my therapist that she had assigned to me the week before. She told me not to censor. She said no writing "butterflies and rainbows" to cover my true feelings. So, I was completely … Continue reading On the Brink